Living Between Two Worlds

Sometimes I find myself wondering what it would have been like if i had stayed in Mexico. If that one night, i had decided not see my mother again and had stayed living with my older siblings.

Most of the time i think that i have moved on and live a complete life here, but it is still hard to live in this sort of dimension where i feel outcasted-the emptiness in me is still there. I don't know if all DREAMers feel this or if i am the only one and maybe counseling is my best choice, but is really difficult to forget my middle school friends, my house, my dog, the rest of my brothers and sister, my old school. I still dream with all those amazing things.

Although the separation from my family was always a constant in my life, i was free of stress and life seemed much easier.

Education was always available in Mexico, but it was not going to be there for much longer really. So the what could have happened of things can actually be listed... I would not have gone to college, i would have gotten married at a very young age, i would have been separated from my parents for many years, and i would more than likely be a mother by now.

I arrived to the States when i was 13 years old. Ever since then life took a complete shift and many things have been wonderful while there are things that arent so much, but we are now better off because of that shift.

My point is, what happens to our unresolved lives? Our unknown futures and our unforgotten pasts? There is no real closure. Sometimes there is this sense of floating in this sort of surreal nightmare, the why me?! card comes up; this sense of being trapped between two worlds... one world that was left behind and by the year it fades away more and more- memories that get mixed with dreams. While there is the present world in which we live and are constanly been told of what we don't have, what we are and what we are not.

Last night i dreamt with my old house again and i was getting ready to go to school with my friends. When i woke up i was not sure of where i was. It took me a few seconds to regroup and realize that i was here... ready for another day.

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